How to spoil your child.

Hi friends, Happy Sunday!

How was your week? I hope it went well – I hope you learned something new, made a new friend, achieved a goal or crossed an item off of your to do list (everyone knows how good it feels to do that)

Every couple weeks – we pick out a treat for lily if she’s been a good girl (and considering she’s barely 4 months old – she’s always a good girl). Sometimes its a new blanket, a new toy, a book, a stuffy – but usually its something she moderately needs (example: new sleepers because she grows like a weed!)  This week it was a teething toy because home girl is hitting the teething phase HARD (so if anyone has any natural remedies shout them this mamas way!!!). They don’t have to be costly – a $10.00 little stuffed toy, a $15.00 book (thats IF we think its worth the money!) hell, a few weeks back her treat was a five dollar bow – her treat literally cost me less than my normal coffee order from Starbucks.

When I tell my mother excitedly about her new item (as I usually get pretty hyped up about good deals and cute pieces!), her response is usually along the lines of: “don’t get her too many things, you don’t want to s p o i l her, she will never know the value of anything”.

These comments sit heavy on my shoulders, they made me think – and evaluate what it really means to “spoil” a child” (at least what that means for me, and what I associate that with). I think the idea of spoiling a child can be taken very differently in a variety of different contexts. I think its extremely important to instil the moral of recognition into your child – the ability for them to recognize things in front of them and respond to the circumstance accordingly.  I totally get where my moms coming from – because lets be real, we have WAY more than necessary for a little girl in terms of basic necessities.  But I think about what it really means to spoil a child, and it has nothing to do with the toys we get her, her treats or her books. The ability to recognize and appreciate the things we get her is important.   Yes we like to get Lily treats sometimes – but that does NOT come hand in hand with the inability to RECOGNIZE the fact that items come with a cost, and we work hard to get her things.  As Lily gets older, i want her to know the classic: “money doesn’t grow on trees!”  and that when she receives something, she needs to be thankful and appreciative of the thought – no matter the cost. I want Lily to realize that in order to have real fulfillment in life: you need to constantly put hard work into yourself, your relationships, and accomplishing your goals.

In becoming a mother, its really become apparent to me: value – does not mean price.

Growing up I always got asked “were you spoiled?”  – and I never knew how to answer that question. I mean I never went without, I always had support. In terms of material items, I was definitely fortunate but never received without putting in the effort at school, home, etc.

My take: If we have the means to provide her with items and treats,  then yes that is amazing and we will continue to do so! ( to be honest, I prefer shopping for lily over myself now a days!).  I don’t intend for lily to grow up thinking that the material items we get for her are anything more than just that – material items.

I want her to recognize and appreciate the fact that these things are fun yes! they are a privilege to have in our lives – but not necessary for happiness.

We can play in the dirt with no toys – lets make mud pies.

We can make up a story in our head – our imaginations are amazing

We can swim in the river on a hot day

We can create inside jokes  – the best free comedy

We can play in the trees and pretend were adventurers

We can create a pillow fort and hide from the pirates

I will give her ALL the time, attention, care and love she needs

……. BUT

Yes, we will play with the skip and hop bouncer, the things a life saver when I want to put her down!

Yes, I will buy her Jellycat animals time to time, because we’ve started a collection and they are so freaking soft!

Yes,  her “going to bed book” was worth every penny,

and yes, we love getting her the odd soft sleeper from BoodyBabyy!

She is always taken care of – fully fead, warm with fresh,clean clothes on her back, a nice yummy baby powder smelling bum – yanno, the things that tend to make tiny humans content. She is loved unconditionally by people who would do anything to see her smile. She is protected, and defended – she has a voice although she cant yet talk. She has a mother who deals with hair pulls, tantrums, and blow outs  (ha, yaaay) with a smile because even the grumpiest Lily makes my heart happy.

So…

YES

Our family is blessed and fortunate enough to have nice things

and YES

she IS spoiled – but those two things don’t go hand in hand at all.

My girl is spoiled with love, attention, affirmation, knowledge, and imagination.

and the best part? I get to keep spoiling her for the rest of my life.

 

Talk soon loves,

Tay.

 

 

Why is there no underwear in your drawer, Mama?

 

Hi Friends, Happy Day!

Do you ever look at the list of things that you need to get done for the day and then decide that you’re much more inclined to do nothing at all? Because SAME. Today just feels like one of those days that is going to start early and end late.

The middle? well, to be honest… some days are one big blur. The early stages of motherhood kind of turn the week into one big day with naps. I cant always tell you exactly what I’m doing all day or what is going to get checked off of that tedious  to do- list – BUT I can tell you this:

I as a mother am never not working. I am always puttering around doing this or that, grabbing something cleaning something washing something feeding someone finding something soothing someone. Yes I am young, but I have “worked” since I was fifteen and let me tell you – being a mom is the hardest job I’ve ever had

Some days (again, usually all a blur)  I look at the time and go, “oh shit its two pm I should probably eat something besides coffee!”

but thats reality sometimes right – it comes hand in hand with the wonderful privilege of this job titled “motherhood”

….  we as mothers let ourselves fall behind sometimes in order to build up and care for what we love most.

with that being said: the income is priceless.

okay mamas: do you remember packing your hospital and diaper bag prior to your baby being born? I feel like it was just yesterday I was folding Lilys newborn sized little clothes and picking out my comfiest clothes (aka whatever still fit me and wasn’t too hideous either) to wear  to the hospital. I remember packing her little perfectly folded swaddles, bows, and mittens into her diaper bag. I remember analyzing how many diapers to bring, what to wear post baby for our first family photos. I remember feeling so prepared and in control of it all (scared shitless as a first time mom yes, but still in control).

do you remember the famous nesting stage?  cleaning anything and everything a million and one times just to make sure it was perfect for the arrival of your new little creature (and yes, I just referred to a human infant as a little creature). The vacuuming, sweeping, dusting, folding. The arranging and rearranging of every little item in their drawer ten different ways before deciding how they’ll end up. The collecting of ALL things teeny tiny. Trying to enter into a community of other moms, trying to follow advice and recommendations from the previous empowering woman who have paved the path of perfection in terms of all things infant before you.

I swear before actually having a baby you don’t mind doing the laundry –  picking out their new little pieces and accessories. Finding the cutest items that make you picture all those little fingers and toes.  No matter how many babies I have or meet, I don’t think I will ever be able to shake how TEENIE TINY little newborn and premie sized outfits can be ??  taking off all the tags – washing, drying, and putting everything away for when the new little family member gets there. You take care of yourself, your partner –  even folding his never ending sock collection.

And lets not get started on the nursery –  if you’re anything like me, you moved things around until the day before he/she pops out! making sure that  every . little . detail . is perfect for baby.

 

…………

Lets take a step forward to your first few days home from the hospital.

Trying to navigate through those first few days of parenthood are HARD. The small little hands you envisioned holding for the past nine months are now grasping onto your pinky. The eyes, the ones you wondered what colour they’d be, they’re looking up at you and staring into your soul.  When we came home with lily, I don’t think I showered for the first week at least (ew I know). We lived on pre prepped meals and take out those first few weeks I swear. We slowly grew to bond with this tiny (barely 5 lb) human we made.  The dishes stacked, the mess grew.  The laundry “chair” became more like a laundry mountain, and the kitchen counter became a puzzle of “where can I stack the next dirty dish without them falling over” .

But looking back? I don’t care at all.

if you’ve been there you’ll probably relate – nothing else in that time period matters. You are so caught up in the pure magical baby bliss love that you’ve created that the days all seem to flow into one. its such a special, perfect time. just pure love.

Now that Lilys newborn times of sleeping all day are slowly fading, we find ourselves in the current: feed me, play with me, I’m going to scream and spit up regardless phase. Our days of having all the “perfect cute” outfit flat-lays are few and far between.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE getting lily cute clothing and dressing her in all the little things!!! but now more than ever, I’ve realized motherhood is way more than that behind the scenes. Its messy, its stinky, its slobbery, and there is a whole lot of love!  Now a days, we find ourselves reaching for anything thats cleaned, not stained with a bodily substance, and (especially this one) anything that fits! The nursery has been changed around multiple times, things are out of place. Pieces we loved and swore by have been stained and little socks have gone missing!

babys grow fast WOOOW.

Just a heads up – a new family member equivalents 10x the laundry – and it won’t be as nice with the poop stains!

mamas – your laundry will pile! and when I say this, I especially mean YOUR laundry. You’ll find yourself constantly doing laundry but never having any clean clothes – your family might, but you won’t be able to find your favourite makeup brush or a matching pair of socks. Your dishes won’t always be clean, some days they will be dirty on your kitchen counter and stacked higher than you may be willing to admit. Your car will be filthy, and your diaper genie may be stuffed to the rim because #motherhood.

and again,

if your anything like me,you may go to get dressed in the morning and find there is no clean underwear in your drawer. 

but I have a whole lot of happiness and memories with my baby – so I say some days its A-OK to let the dishes pile up.

Talk soon Loves.

Tay

 

Stereotypes & Perception

 

Hi guys,

Happy Sunday!!!

I hope your weekend helped reset you for the week ahead!

I wish I could say that this has been one of those blissful Sunday mornings that make me feel like life is a little slower than it really is: but today has NOT been one of those days. More so, today has been one of those days that make me question my abilities, and as I try and comfort my screaming infant for the 10th time this past hour alone, my sanity.

Lily has hit a fussy period. My once always happy baby isn’t so happy these days, and its hard. Its hard when I know there is nothing I can do but give her constant love and attention – but on the harder nights even that doesn’t seem to be enough.  I can wash my hands a million times a day and let her num on my fingers, but that doesn’t always stop the tears.

When Lily was brand new, I had a weird anxiety about leaving the house by myself with her.  I couldn’t exactly tell you why, I’m a pretty out spoken person and if someone were to have said anything “touchy” to me, I definitely wouldn’t be one to bite my tongue. For some reason however, those first few weeks I found myself reaching for a second set of hands whenever I would take an outing with my little.  Looking back, I think my underlying fear was that she would become unconsolably upset, to the point where I wouldn’t be able to comfort her, someone would make a rude comment, and (worst part) id believe them.

Stereotypes: “a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing”

I think the notion behind stereotypes is SO interesting. It is funny to me how often they play a part into our everyday lives, constructing our thoughts and perceptions without us even realizing it. The things we see online, the people we used to know and assume we still do. The people whose lives we watch on television shows, follow on instagram, and creep on facebook every now and again.  People are stereotyped SO often. We do it all the time and we don’t even realize it.

I know personally, perception has revolved around stereotypes.  People see me:

*a tiny girl, 5 feet maybe, carrying around a chubby little babe.

* a (clearly) young mom,  I normally get told 16 ish? ( I will be 22 this year), doing her best, but not yet fully established in life.

What are the immediate perceptions we make? are they judgmental? are they kind? do we assume the best? do we assume the worst? its funny how much we assume we know about someone based off of certain stereotypes, and the conclusions we make about them as outsiders peeking through the windows from outside. What does it really take to get to know someone? if we follow someones profile and read into their stories, do we know them? If we went to high school with them and had them as a partner in our ninth grade science class, does that give us the right to justify our opinion of them ten years later?

If I had to put a number on how many comments I get on a weekly basis regarding my age and status as a mother, it would be ehh about 3 or 4 times per week at least.

Isn’t that insane? People who don’t know me at ALL.  People I see in passing at save on, people in line for coffee at Starbucks, people within Fraser Health, just r a n d o m people who perceive qualities about me from the tiny glimpse of a second that our lives intertwin and turn them into an immediate stereotyped conclusion about who I am as a mother and provider. It makes me wonder and think about the people whom have previously been a closer part of my life but are no longer on the same road as me: What are the perceptions we make of each other now? are they from a place of admiration, encouragement, and hopes of a good life? I hope so.

Fast forward four months.

Lily and I often embark on our daily journeys to the grocery store alone. Sometimes she is grumpy, sometimes she’s fussy, and sometimes there is straight up NOTHING that I as a mother can do. People from the outside have assumed because of my age, I as a mother, am incompetent and unable to be an ideal provider. When did our mindsets become SO negative? why do we need to look into someones vulnerability and pretend we know anything more about them than what they allow us to see?  Why, have we as a culture, gotten to a point where our immediate instinct is to assume we know someone because of a society created stereotype? Over the past few months, I have tried extremely hard to reshape my mindset.  I wake up and tell myself that I am my own biggest critic, and that if I’m content with myself and my choices, let the people think what they want.

I look young. My mother looks young, my nana looks young.  Over the past four months, my mindset has changed so much – YES there are people who see me when I’m out with my little and think less than admirable things about me, but now I take perceived comments that people throw at me – all around the stereotypes of “young moms”, and shrug. Why let these thoughts get to me? I KNOW who I am as a mother – I am Lilys mom. Im not perfect, I don’t have all the answers (lets be real, people who think they do are just dry), and I make my fair share of mistakes. Ive accepted the fact that not everyone in life is going to like me – some may strongly dislike me for reasons I won’t understand – but thats okay.

Lily loves me,

I love me,

and that my friends, is more than enough.

 

 

Talk soon,

Tay.

 

 

 

 

 

Motherhood: 4M4Ds in – 10 Lessons

Hi Guys,

so four days ago lily officially turned four months old. How insane is that? time is such a bittersweet paradox now a days  – the desire to control it, but the beauty in having no control at all. Wanting to pause the beautiful moments but knowing the fleeting times are what add depth and encourage growth beneath us.  Wanting to fast forward through the less than desirable times, but embracing that pain comes with purpose.  Rewind to the moments that help form who we are,  the memories that act as glue to help hold and form the person we are.

absolutely insane.

I feel like becoming a mother has not only made me stronger, but also made me extremely vulnerable… but perhaps those traits come best hand in hand.

Although I learn something new everyday from this tiny little human, here are 10 of the bigger lessons motherhood has taught me thus far:

  1. There isn’t ONE “correct way” to do things.. okay so when you have a baby, a million people will tell you a hundred and one different things on different subjects. Co sleeping vs crib,  breast vs bottle,  cry it out vs don’t cry it out,  homeschool vs public, the list will go on and on and on.. everyone will swear by what works for them and their families ( and thats okay!) but the thing is, just because something worked for one babe doesn’t mean it will play out the same with another. Having a baby means having to make a lot of calls: some easier than others, but what I’ve come to realize is not one way of doing things is necessarily better than another way,  just different.
  2. Sometimes (more often than not) you’ll run late.… okay so being on time is something i used to stress about so much, but having a newborn you’re literally late ALL . THE . TIME.  its like they know when you need to be somewhere and decide right then is a good time to scream their head off and shit their pants #motherhood  but its something I’ve come to deal with and accept. If you’re already running late, chances are stressing about it will just make you frustrated and you’ll end up forgetting something and make yourself even later.
  3. Toxic relationships aren’t worth it. at all. ever…  Having a daughter has made me set my bar high in terms of how I demand to be treated. I used to preach it but never practiced it: if people aren’t growing with you, supporting you, building you up – pouring tea into YOUR cup, ummm BYE!  I used to have people in my life who I thought made me full, but really the relationships were exhausting. Lily has made me take a step back and evaluate the people I let into my intimate circle – and as I get older, it just becomes more and more apparent: quality over quantity.
  4. Change is inevitable.. This is one thats so obvious yet so overlooked. Ive always been one to fear change, to avoid change if possible.  Living life with my heart on the outside of my body has really made me see the beauty in it all. it baffles me on a daily basis how fast life goes, and although I do still get anxious with major life changes,  I know that their is always going to be another beautiful moment around the corner and the more we avoid change, the less beauty we get to experience
  5. Things get SO messy. messy messy messy messy.  Between leaky boobs, cleaning bottles, the poop, the vomit, the laundry (don’t even get me started on the laundry-  mamas, ya feel me?) but the smell of a baby head? WORTH IT.
  6. Guilt happens: accept and grow, don’t fold… Lily is for months old and I can already tell you I’ve done things “wrong!” I’ve bought things I haven’t needed, I’ve made choices other moms would say are questionable – for example, I got her ears pierced, I’ve taken her to a public pool, I’ve given her a pacifier, and guess what? she’s 100% happy and loved. Just as my girlfriends baby who hasn’t been to the pool,  who hadn’t gotten her ears pierced & didn’t take to a Paci. Other moms may have made us feel inadequate for our personal choices but guess what? They’re not raising your baby, YOU are, and as long as your baby is healthy and happy than mama do whatever the F you want.
  7. You’re never ready for a baby... this ones funny to me, because I know a lot of people will assume I say this due to my age, or the fact that I don’t own my house, not married, yanno, all the things they say need to be ideally accomplished to successfully raise tiny humans. WELL,  those people make me laugh. ha ha.  When I found out I was pregnant (not totally planned) I told myself I would do anything and everything to give my baby the best life possible, regardless of these things. At the end of the day, the key morals I hope to engrave into my daughter won’t be based around her money, her relationships or her property value.  The morals I teach her will build her to know that if she were to have nothing – she can turn that into something. if she is kind, and patient, and respectful… she will prevail in all of life circumstances. Motherhood and family isn’t scaled on what you’ve accomplished thus far, its who you’ve BECOME along the way.
  8. Embrace your imperfections, someone thinks their beautiful .. so if you have seen photos of me, you may have noticed that when I smile, I tend to squint my eyes… this is something I have always been so self conscious about, something I really disliked about myself.  After having lily, I started to notice that she does the exact same thing when she smiles: we both smile with our entire faces. I used to look at my pictures and cringe, and now I look at my beautiful baby girl and think, ” she got that from me, how beautiful is that?”
  9. Life is so freaking short… the other day I was looking at my old high school yearbook (nostalgic, I know). I looked back at the comments and thought about the person I was then and the person I am now, same same, but SO different.  my goals, my ambitions have changed SO much… but what is insane is how fast it all happens… as I look over at my baby girl now laying at the end of my bed, I think just how soon she will be getting her friends to sign her yearbook… brb crying.
  10.  You’re allowed to be wrong, and you’re allowed to change your perspective. .. this one is SO important. I feel like in becoming a mom, you’re expected to know what you’re doing in every sense. I remember when I got home from the hospital, I felt like a lost dog looking for its owner… uhh oh I was the owner ( talk about an “oh shit” moment)I needed to care and raise this perfect little new creature, so innocent, so pure: not yet having hit the harsh reality that is real life.  I was so scared of making mistakes, doing things wrong,  damaging something so perfect. I was so blessed Lily choose ME to be her mom. I swear, she’s a comfort I never knew I needed.  She’s like a straight line in a world of zig zags, the calm in the storm. The literal peace amongst the war. Maybe its her infectious smile, maybe its her fat folded little legs, but I’m almost certain its the overflowing love that pours from her eyes into my heart. she’s made me accept change in perspective, accept growth – and for her, I will forever be thankful.

 

Anyway,  I could name probably 101 more things lily has taught me, but ill save those for another day.

thanks for reading!

talk soon

Tays

The Journey Begins

 

Hiyyaa!

Welcome to TayTalks, thanks for taking the time to stop by my little piece of the internet!

I’m Taylor – a 21 year old momma from Vancouver, BC.

I started this blog to share my experiences as a young mom, a friend, a girlfriend, and a daughter.  I want to share my passions, thoughts, dreams, triumphs, and failures (or as I like to call them,  lessons – optimism at its finest ha!)

I want to encourage individuals to embrace the chaos that is real life...  it would be a lot easier to embrace the hard times together than to fight them alone,  you feel me?

I feel like we as humans often forget the simplicity that is real life: we often get so caught up in material itms (I am no exception, as my email just beeped from my online order confirmation from our new diaper bag hehe, opps sorry babe!) and push ourselves so so hard for life we are “supposed to live”,  to become “the people we are supposed to be” that we so often let what really matters slip behind other “priorities” in terms of the actions we take on a day to day basis –  that we all just want to love and be loved – having my daughter Lily has really brought that into perspective for me.

Prior to having my daughter, I worked as a care aid for a boy with severe autism & down syndrome : it has taught me patience and perspective, love and unconditional attention – perfect affirmation that imperfection fits flawlessly into the world around us. There are soo many beautiful things and people in the world around us.

While in school, I took courses in conflict resolution and was trained by the Red Cross as a youth facilitator for the “beyond the hurt” anti bullying workshop and campaign – basically we would go to elementary schools and give workshops to the kids regarding harassment, bullying, and provide them with healthy outlet strategies. This part of my life not only confirmed my love for children, but really made me see the importance of self love needing to start YOUNG.

Im eehhhhh  about half way done (?)  my undergraduate degree in Health Science – and in all honesty I have no idea when ill go back or what I plan to do with it. Until recently it really bothered me, not being graduated with my degree before becoming a mom; especially when I first found out I was pregnant, BUUUUT its something I’m slowly coming to terms with. Ive accepted the fact that learning is an ongoing processes and that Im going to continue learning for the rest of my life,  so why put that much value on a documented piece of paper? Establishing myself in life means so much more than a health degree – establishing my morals, my values, my strengths and my weaknesses are so much more important.

… I LOVE learning but an education will always await me, babies don’t keep. So for right now in my life,  I’ve swapped the textbooks for Dr.Seuss, and I’m A-OK with that.

Ive always struggled with anxiety and depression, as SO many of us do. for me, it isn’t necessarily the obvious sadness thats associated with those words. for me, it was more like the undertow of an ocean: seeming settled on the top, so effortlessly keeping things afloat, when in reality the currents underneath alwaaysss moving.  fighting this current in my mind is an ongoing process: but this part of my life made me realize my insane passion for raw human emotion.  the isolation isn’t worth it.

2018 was a year of incomparable highs: found out I was pregnant, Aced my classes (while 7 months pregnant may I add – and with the bump I had, that was no joke! towards the end of the semester, I didn’t even fit in the chairs! ha!), I moved homes, moved again, met some amazing people, reconnected with familiar faces, bought my new mom car, and birthed a perfectly healthy baby girl – managing to ring in my dream birth three days before my own 21st birthday… talk about the best gifts in life coming free to us, hey?

the name?  TayTalks ? …. while if I break it down,

Tay: its what the people closest to me have always called me, it feels like me

Talks:  while, I want to TALK. haha. I want to communicate, engage, experience: I want to connect with other like minded individuals.

anyway, my babes now awake and duty calls!

Thanks for joining me!

*disclaimer: babe totally supported the diaper bag buy 😉

bye for now,

Tay

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

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