Stereotypes & Perception

 

Hi guys,

Happy Sunday!!!

I hope your weekend helped reset you for the week ahead!

I wish I could say that this has been one of those blissful Sunday mornings that make me feel like life is a little slower than it really is: but today has NOT been one of those days. More so, today has been one of those days that make me question my abilities, and as I try and comfort my screaming infant for the 10th time this past hour alone, my sanity.

Lily has hit a fussy period. My once always happy baby isn’t so happy these days, and its hard. Its hard when I know there is nothing I can do but give her constant love and attention – but on the harder nights even that doesn’t seem to be enough.  I can wash my hands a million times a day and let her num on my fingers, but that doesn’t always stop the tears.

When Lily was brand new, I had a weird anxiety about leaving the house by myself with her.  I couldn’t exactly tell you why, I’m a pretty out spoken person and if someone were to have said anything “touchy” to me, I definitely wouldn’t be one to bite my tongue. For some reason however, those first few weeks I found myself reaching for a second set of hands whenever I would take an outing with my little.  Looking back, I think my underlying fear was that she would become unconsolably upset, to the point where I wouldn’t be able to comfort her, someone would make a rude comment, and (worst part) id believe them.

Stereotypes: “a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing”

I think the notion behind stereotypes is SO interesting. It is funny to me how often they play a part into our everyday lives, constructing our thoughts and perceptions without us even realizing it. The things we see online, the people we used to know and assume we still do. The people whose lives we watch on television shows, follow on instagram, and creep on facebook every now and again.  People are stereotyped SO often. We do it all the time and we don’t even realize it.

I know personally, perception has revolved around stereotypes.  People see me:

*a tiny girl, 5 feet maybe, carrying around a chubby little babe.

* a (clearly) young mom,  I normally get told 16 ish? ( I will be 22 this year), doing her best, but not yet fully established in life.

What are the immediate perceptions we make? are they judgmental? are they kind? do we assume the best? do we assume the worst? its funny how much we assume we know about someone based off of certain stereotypes, and the conclusions we make about them as outsiders peeking through the windows from outside. What does it really take to get to know someone? if we follow someones profile and read into their stories, do we know them? If we went to high school with them and had them as a partner in our ninth grade science class, does that give us the right to justify our opinion of them ten years later?

If I had to put a number on how many comments I get on a weekly basis regarding my age and status as a mother, it would be ehh about 3 or 4 times per week at least.

Isn’t that insane? People who don’t know me at ALL.  People I see in passing at save on, people in line for coffee at Starbucks, people within Fraser Health, just r a n d o m people who perceive qualities about me from the tiny glimpse of a second that our lives intertwin and turn them into an immediate stereotyped conclusion about who I am as a mother and provider. It makes me wonder and think about the people whom have previously been a closer part of my life but are no longer on the same road as me: What are the perceptions we make of each other now? are they from a place of admiration, encouragement, and hopes of a good life? I hope so.

Fast forward four months.

Lily and I often embark on our daily journeys to the grocery store alone. Sometimes she is grumpy, sometimes she’s fussy, and sometimes there is straight up NOTHING that I as a mother can do. People from the outside have assumed because of my age, I as a mother, am incompetent and unable to be an ideal provider. When did our mindsets become SO negative? why do we need to look into someones vulnerability and pretend we know anything more about them than what they allow us to see?  Why, have we as a culture, gotten to a point where our immediate instinct is to assume we know someone because of a society created stereotype? Over the past few months, I have tried extremely hard to reshape my mindset.  I wake up and tell myself that I am my own biggest critic, and that if I’m content with myself and my choices, let the people think what they want.

I look young. My mother looks young, my nana looks young.  Over the past four months, my mindset has changed so much – YES there are people who see me when I’m out with my little and think less than admirable things about me, but now I take perceived comments that people throw at me – all around the stereotypes of “young moms”, and shrug. Why let these thoughts get to me? I KNOW who I am as a mother – I am Lilys mom. Im not perfect, I don’t have all the answers (lets be real, people who think they do are just dry), and I make my fair share of mistakes. Ive accepted the fact that not everyone in life is going to like me – some may strongly dislike me for reasons I won’t understand – but thats okay.

Lily loves me,

I love me,

and that my friends, is more than enough.

 

 

Talk soon,

Tay.